


lily of the field

by AmandaBecker



Series: What if? [6]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-12 13:55:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21477469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaBecker/pseuds/AmandaBecker
Summary: What if...the trip to the flower filed had been different?
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: What if? [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544161
Comments: 12
Kudos: 99





	1. flower-fairy from the tales

**Author's Note:**

> I liked the idea that Charlotte was in this field of the beautiful flowers, and Sidney was just... wow

Sidney was angry that he shouldn’t have trusted Miss Heywood to take care for Georgiana.  
He thought they were friends.  
But he had been mistaken.  
He went everywhere he thought young women could went, when he finally get back to Mary and asked her instead.

„Oh they are down at the river, you know at the blossom field.“  
„You knew?“  
„Charlotte was here to ask me for permission, you have just missed her.“  
„Oh,“ he blushed slightly by his distrust.  
„They took the girls with them and I told them I follow with the boys, when I have packed some food.“  
„Oh.“ Sidney was just lost in words.  
„So good you came here to carry the basket and the rest of the blankets.“ Mary just knew him so well. She shook her head at him, he didn’t know that he was falling.

As they reached the girls by the flowers, Georgina sat on one of the blankets and braided Alicias and Jennys hair. He greeted them and looked for Miss Hewyood.  
Mary told him to spread the blankets. He tried to focus on his task, but he couldn’t help himself wonder where Charlotte was.  
Georgiana helped Mary and the children to lay out the food and Sidney put up a parasol.  
She told him to bring back Charlotte and he went looking for her.

His heart stopped a beat as he reached her.  
She was so breath taking beautiful. Charlotte walked in awe between the lillys, carefully not to step on it, she plucked a few more. She caressed the flowers with her gaze and stood silent for a moment as their eyes met.

„Mr. Parker.“ Charlotte greeted him with her sweetest smile and waved to him. She carried the bunch of flowers in her arm like a mother her new born child. At this thought a sparkeling feeling tickled in his heart a warmth spraid over him like the sun at a hot summer day.

Sidney greeted her back with a bow, he couldn’t speak, he was stunned. The girls have braided flowers in her hair and she looked like a flower-fairy from the tales his mother had told him, as he was a boy.  
His heart was beating in his throat and he couldn’t look away from her.

„What are you looking for?“ she asked lightly blushing at his stare.  
„You.“ It seemed as if this simple confession would mean so much more to him, as it seemed. And she catched this strange feeling as well and blushed deeper. 

„The food is...“ he tried to explain and she nodded and walked to him.  
„It is so beautiful,“ she couldn’t stop saying this and looked around once again. „so beautiful.“  
„Yes,...it is.“ He said without looking to the flowers. 

She stood in front of him, just a few steps away. Her sight, a few strands of hair blowing in the wind, her big brown eyes in awe.  
He was in awe as well.

Sidney leaned forward to pick up a flower that had been torn out of her hair by the wind. He gave it back to her and she took it. Her hand briefly touched his and they shared a look before she took a deep breath and came closer.

Instead to put the little flower back in her hair, she stick it behind his ear.

"Now we fit better together," she said with that breathtaking smile that made his mouth dry.  
Sidney shook his head and looked down to gather himself.

Charlotte stood still and looked at him with a serious expression on her rosy face. She tilted her head and her smile faded. 

With a deep beat Sidney's heart beat and he could not answer.  
Feared he would go straight to his knees and propose to her in this very moment.

He just nodded.


	2. flowers can make a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a gifted flower can make a mess...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd part of this story.

Sidney tried to avoid Charlottes gaze the whole time, they spend at the river. He sat on one of the blankets with Henry and Mary and talked about several things he couldn’t even remember a few minutes later.

As they went back Charlotte and Georgina walked on top and he carried the blankets and the basket.  
„Everything all right?“ Mary asked.  
„Sure, why are you asking?“ he seemed to be a little distracted.  
„It is allright,“ Mary said with a smile. He looked at her in question.  
„...to fall again.“   
He began to deny the obvious, but Mary only chuckled and petterned his arm.  
„She is a good girl.“ And with that she left him alone.

When they arrived in Trafalgar house he went to the kitchen directly to let the servers clear the basket. But he only found Miss Heywood there. She had stripped off her spencer and had rolled up the sleeves of her shirt. She took the basket from him without a word, and as their fingers touched lightly, he saw her blushing.

A smal rumble of his heart let him caught the tingle feeling in his stomarch and he searched her eyes. But this time she was avoiding him. And as he starres at her, while taking off his coat, a bride smile beamed on his face. The flowers still in her hair, let him remember the encounter earlier this afternoon and he was suprised as he reached out for her and his fingers embraced her wrist.  
Lightly shocked she looked up to him, her blush even deeper, as she widen her eyes at this suprising soft feeling his warm hand gave her. 

„Miss Heywood.“ 

He said with a raspy voice and she couldn’t stop the shiver, which run through her by his adress. Her heart beated violently in her chest and suddenly her mouth get dry. She licked her lips and his gaze followed this litte movement. For a second he lost his thoughts and tried to avoid the forly urge to embrace her and kiss her senseless.

By a loud slam of the doors of the pantry he stepped back. Only when he lay the little flower from his ear in her hand, he let go of her wrist. Immediately both felt the lost, and as the kitchen maid came in the room, Charlotte was able to say  
„but it’s yours.“ 

Sidney saw a little glimpse of pain in her eyes and a dissapointed tone in her voice. Finally he had to point out, he had just gave her back a smal gift, maybe it means more to her as he thought. He cleared his throat by the upcoming feeling and swallowed.

„I wanted to ask you, if you could keep that for me?“ he whispered, so the maid didn’t get the chance to eavesdrop the conversation. He glanced brifly to the girl in the back of the room. Charlotte noticed that they were not alone anymore, but couldn’t shake off the hurt she felt inside, as he gave her back the flower. He doesn’t feel the same!   
Stop embarressing me, she thought. Shrugged her shoulders and before she could turn to leave, she took the flower from him. Tried to ignore the tingly feeling of his hands on hers and said

„Sure, but you had just could throw it away.“

She pushed past him and leave the kitchen. Angrily he grimaced, that was not how he had imagined. He had hoped that she would take it as a memory of him. After all he couldn’t give her flowers, not before they are officially engaged. And for that it was a bit to early.

He huffed and went after her, he found her at Tom’s study,   
„Miss Heywood,“ he tried again, but she glarred at him, why does he have to wallow in her pain.  
„I am afraid you missunderstood me,“ he began, but she wouldn’t listen.  
„I understood perfectly well.“ She answered angrily and pushed down the papers on the desk.  
„Of course you do!“ he snapped at her. She didn’t want to make it easy for him and he couldn’t hold back the burning flame of anger in him.  
„I really thought I was wrong about you. I thought you weren't...." she trailed of.  
"What do you mean?“ he asked confused.  
"You don’t care about the feelings of others....“ she looked up at him with piercing eyes.  
"That is not true.“ He hissed.  
"No, of course not." She said quietly.  
"Miss Heywood, I didn't want to upset you." how could he do it right? That got completely out of hand. That was not how he wanted it! 

„You didn't." 

She shut her eyes to banish the tears burning in her eyes. She exhaled deeply, curtsiested and left the room. Sidney let out a mumble and followed her upstairs. He had to get it out now. Even it was unpropper he stormed into her room an caught her by carressing the little flower with her fingers. She looked up at him in shock, blushed and her forehead folded in anger.

With a few steps she was in front of him and asked him in a raised voice what he was thinking. She pushed him in his chest and tried to shoved him out of her room. She was furious. He stumbled back and slammed the door shut in this movement. A little mica of panic flowed through her, but she couldn't stop. Charlotte was beside herself. She pushed him until he caught her fists. His grip was strong, but not painful. He pressed her hands down and pulled her a little closer to him.

Gasping for air, she tried to get loose and hit the door herself with her back. He was really too close and his warm breath tickled her neck. Her breath went much too fast and her chest raised and lowered so distracting that he almost forgot where he was.

He looked deep into her eyes and loosened his grip around her wrists. 

"I'm sorry."  
"That you were robbing me in my room?"  
"Yes, that too. That's pretty unseemly." He lowered his eyes embarrassed.  
"You should go." She suggested it.  
"not before I've clarified the matter." He determined.  
"There is nothing to clarify.“ She tried to push past him, he blocked her way. With flaming anger in her eyes she looked at him and grumbled,  
"Let me pass."  
"No." He was searching her eyes.  
"What are you doing? First you are nice, then not. Then you give me my flower back and instead of leaving me alone, I can't get rid of you now!“ She cried.

„Do you want get rid of me?“ he almost whispered.  
„Yes, of course!“ tears prickled in her eyes and she looked away.  
„Forgive me. This isn't what I wanted.“ He begged.  
„I don't care what you wanted, leave my room.“ She pushed him in the chest and tried to get past him again.

I wanted to give you back the flower..." he began, but she interrupted him,  
"I've noticed that. Thank you very much. I'm sorry that I gave it to you at all. It was just a..." she shouted.  
"...I wanted you to keep it in my memory." He screamed back.

"it was only a joke..." it rumbled out of her,   
"...nothing further!“ She had apparently not listened to him at all. Her words hurt.

"Charlotte."   
By her christian name on his lips she looked up. Confusion, anger and another emotion he couldn't interpret lay on her face. She started panting angrily again and yelled at him, 

"Don't call me that!" 

She would have liked to have punch him, but he caught her fists and pressed them against the wall next to her head and she completely forgot what had just happened, as he whispered in her ear.

"then I call you sweetheart“.


	3. confront Sidney Parker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte gets angry again, and Sidney can (not) handle it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and she gently put the flower, his flower back between the two pages of her book.
> 
> is inspired by Charlotte Parker (thank you, by the way!)

In anticipation of a kiss, Charlotte kept her eyes closed.   
Her heart was beating up to her neck, her breath was fast, her skin tickled where his breath caressed her cheek. His body was warm and firm, holding her pinned to the wall. She didn't move either after hearing the door opened and closed.

He hadn't kissed her and just left her standing.   
Let her stand with her eyes closed and her heart wild. Why did he just leave? Did he get cold feet? He was Sidney Parker who doesn't get cold feet when a lady allows him to kiss her. She had misunderstood him once again. He didn't want her.   
Oh Lord! 

The tears came with a loud sob. How could she be so stupid? It had felt so right.   
Earlier on the field, as he had stared at the her, she had the feeling something had changed between them.   
She had seen him blush when she had put the little flower behind his ear. Sidney Parker had turned red! She hadn't imagined that, had she?   
After all, he had given her the flower back barely half an hour ago.   
Why didn't he just throw it away? 

Sidney fled in his room. What had he done? Or almost done. No what had he done?   
He got himself into her room without her permission, had grabbed her and pressed her against the wall. The wall!   
He wanted to kiss her. Oh so badly! The tension between them was tangible. She had felt it too, he saw it in her big, darkening eyes. Her breath went too fast.   
She was so...breathtaking. Unbelievably sweet and breathtaking sensual. He knew he couldn't stop when he would start. He was not allowed to risk it......   
Oh Lord! He was not even allowed to think that!

Wondering what she'd think of him now. Would she understand or was she hurt and angry? Hopefully it was as embarrassing for her as it was for him, then they could avoid each other. Sidney knew he would lose if she stood before him again with her stirring passion. Yell at him and try to beat him.   
One more time and he knew he couldn't control himself.   
She would be the death of me! He thought.

Slowly Charlotte went to the table in front of the window where she had left the little flower. She sighed, touching it lightly with her cold fingers.   
No, there was something between them. Also the conversation here in the room. The tension.   
The little flower still somehow smelled like him, at least Charlotte believed it, and she gently put the flower, his flower back between the two pages of her book. Pressing the book against her chest, she sank onto her bed and thought about what to do now. 

Then Charlotte left her room to confront Sidney Parker.

Sidney thought, it would be better to leave the house immediately and move back into a room in the hotel. Or better still, run away to London with an excuse. He could come back to the cricket game. Only he had to leave, the sooner the better. He grabbed his jacket and ran to the door.

"How dare you?" she yelled at him.

Since he did not want a scene that entire servants could hear, he stepped aside and let her enter the room without a word.   
Oh, that was a mistake!   
Sidney felt the air vibrate. She was angry, oh so angry. When she turned around and stared at him with reddened cheeks and pinched eyes, he had to swallow.   
It was clear to him, that he was already lost.

"How dare you?" she shouted again, if it was possible, even more angry. Her eyes seemed to spit fire.  
"Erm...Miss Heywood." He tried with a calm voice and trembling heart.

"Miss Heywood? Miss Heywood?" she yelled and came at him with such powerful steps that he had to take a step back.   
"Charlotte," Sidney took three deep breaths, trying to avoid her gaze.  
"Don't call me that" she called out. What should he call her then? confused he looked at her.  
"I, erm..." he stuttered and looked at the floor.

"You called me sweetheart" she spit, fortunately a little quieter now.  
"I know." He answered lame and looked only briefly in her direction.  
"Why did you do that?"  
"I shouldn't call you Charlotte." He tried to joke, but that made her even more angry.

"What's this all about, Mr. Parker?" Her voice was cold as steel and rough because of the excitement and the screaming.   
A shiver ran through him. His heart hammered like crazy in his chest. He didn't answer.

"Say something," she came closer. "Say something, damn it!“   
Oh God, now she also started to swear. He was lost. He was so lost!  
In a moment he would grab her!   
Sidney crossed his hands behind his back, he actually did that all the time near her so he could stop himself from grabing and seducing her.

"What can I say?" Sidney really tried to stay calm.  
"Why did you push me against the wall?" She tried to shout more quietly, but she failed.   
His whole body seemed to be on fire, he took another step back and pushed against the wall.

"Do you enjoy confusing me?" she screamed again.  
"Be quiet," he shouted.  
"Be quiet? Be quiet?“ she bit back, she stood right in front of him and tried to catch his gaze.  
"Why?" she breathed quite fast and he could feel the slight tickle of her breath on his neck. Her breasts raised and lowered rapidly for all her emotions, her cheeks blushed, her eyes small slits. She took a deep breath once and then asked the all-decisive question.

"Why did you have me..." he lifted his eyes and her eyes locked.  
...not kissed? She wanted to ask, but Sidney sucked the air in sharply and tried to escape her gaze and .....her, so he passed by.   
Tears rose into her eyes.

"I understand." She mumbled and grabbed the doorknob.  
"You understand nothing." He snapped.  
"What?" she bit back and the anger and frustration was there again.   
"You don't understand anything, you're... you're..." he cried, and went up to his window to have enough distance to her.  
"What am I?"   
Oh, how he loved it when she got angry. Her breasts raised and lowered in such a distracting way, her eyes glimmered feverishly. 

"Innocent." He roared.  
"What?“ she seemed confused, what does he mean?  
"You are an innocent,...you know nothing,..." He tried to explain.  
"I know more than enough" she shouted, the rage now again completely in full swing.  
"No, not at all" he shouted and close the distance. He tried to say the next sentence more calmly, otherwise there would be a huge scandal.

"...if that were the case you would know, you would know... that you are driving me mad!" he shouts.  
"Ha, I'm driving you mad? You do..." but he interrupted her.  
"....your rage ignites a passion in me... You...only you ignite a passion in me... I ..."   
Charlotte said nothing and looked at him only with wide open eyes.

"I'm afraid that I..."  
"What?“ she ask calmly.  
"That I forget myself and ..erm...can't stop." He answered her question honestly.  
"With... what?" her voice loudly and endeavours not to tremble.

"With this." 

Then he approached her, grabbed her and pushed her against the wall next to the door. At the same time he pressed his lips against hers, buried his hands in her hair. Sindey pressed his whole body against hers and let her feel what she was doing to him. She gasped for air, but instead of letting her go, he deepened the kiss. One hand grabbed her hair even tighter, the other slowly drove down her side and clawed into the fabric at her waist. As she began to whimper quietly, he shoved his hand onto her back and pressed her even more to him. 

First Charlotte was shocked, then overwhelmed and fascinated. And now a power took possession of her that she had never felt before. She wanted to feel him closer and grabbed his shirt and pulled on the fabric. She clung to him and pressed her body so tightly to his that she couldn't remember where she started and he stopped - or vice versa.

It was inappropriate to feel and do such a thing. But she could not and would not stop.   
She wanted to feel him closer, closer, closer. She pulled and squeezed, clawed and gripped and when he suddenly trailed wild wet kisses down her neck, she reached into his hair and the other hand tried to loosen his tie. She had to feel his skin, she had to feel it under her fingers!

"We have to stop." 

He moaned into her shoulder as he grabbed her waist and turned her away or drew her closer. Charlotte couldn't say for sure, she was too confused by the feeling of his breath on her skin. His other hand stroked slowly, tenderly and warmly, no not tenderly and warmly! Rather hot and firm down her neck to the collar of her shirt. As if a fire would flare up, it suddenly burned everywhere. On her skin, inside her, in places she had never felt anything like that before.

He kissed her wildly and impetuously again. Powerful. And when she gasped for air this time, he slided his tongue into her mouth and her knees gave way.   
He pressed with all his.....power against her and his fingers on her collar opened the top button. 

Sidney stroked her there with a sudden tenderness that drove tears into her eyes.   
His fingers worked without his doing and opened the second button, all at once slow and stretched as if he was under water.   
Charlotte moaned and whimpered into his mouth and while his tongue caressed hers tenderly and slowly, her hand came to his face.   
The other lay on his hammering heart.

"Push me away." He begged. Charlotte was unable to answer.

"If you don't...stop me...I don't know...how far I'm going..." he mumbled into her lips, but she couldn't remember ever having heard more nonsensical words.   
She could hardly remember anything anyway.

"Charlotte," her name on his lips, a silent plea.

"Charlotte, please."


End file.
